Being thirteen was not easy for me. I was in and out of rehab facilities for suicidal tendencies after losing my grandfather and started to become more and more addicted to pills.
I soon started to not care about who I was as a human being. I thought being reckless and going out and trying drugs, drinking alcohol, getting into dangerous situations and partying was the correct way of life. I was about to start my eighth-grade year.
In August, right before eighth grade, I was raped by a very close family member.
Time went on, I was silent about the rape. I felt like something big was happening but I was scared to believe it. In early November, I told two close friends of mine that I was almost positive I was pregnant from a mystery guy named “Chad” that I had met at a party.
I was almost three months late for my menstrual cycle and I was having morning sickness.
I knew that if I was pregnant I wanted to keep the baby. My mom had always told me that if I got pregnant, I would “not even be delivering it”. However, I wanted to be adult about the entire situation and wanted my mother to understand that I could handle the situation even if it was one I had not asked for. Telling my mother became an immense fear of mine. I was terrified of telling her, “Mom, I might be pregnant”.
One day at lunch I started to bleed. I thought, "okay, no proving mom wrong!" Later that night I had the worst stomach cramps and went to the bathroom. I suddenly heard a plunk in the toilet.
I was so scared to look down but I did anyways. I saw my child.
At the time panic hit me, I started crying and ran out of the bathroom. I decided to research what had just happened. I saw the same pictures on the internet and they looked exactly like what I had seen earlier in the toilet.
I decided to block everything out and to not say a word. Until January of 2014 everything was a secret.
Looking back, the worst mistake I made was keeping silent. If I had spoken up I could have had my child with me here today. I now have this burden of guilt that I wish I could let go of. Yet this is a burden I cannot discard.
There seems to be this stamp saying “I WAS RAPED, ABORTION IS A MUST!” on the forehead of many women who conceive through rape. However, that is not true. Life is precious. Period.
Sure, you didn't ask to be raped, or to conceive a child. But it happened and taking away an innocent life will never help you cope with the traumatic experience. Good things can always come out of evil things. A life is a good thing.
There are so many ways to choose life, even if you do not want the child with you after birth. There are so many options. Abortion is never an option you should feel forced to consider.
By going through such a hard time I have learned and I have grown. And overall, I have become a mother.
Stand up and stand proud. Do not be afraid of life. Be the voice the world needs.